The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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