This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize