So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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