I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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