I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
