Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
