he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
