I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize