It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
