after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
