So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
