someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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