Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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