The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Panties = found
Randomize
