Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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