Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
