honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
