Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
