Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
