she woke up with a sticky ear
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
