Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's paper in my vomit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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