what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Everything about him screamed your future.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
