Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
