is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize