i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
