Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he thought i was a dude.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
