i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
