Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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