I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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