What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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