Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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