please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
