come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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