WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
