better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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