Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
