No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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