sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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