I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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