the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
