I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
