using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The feeling are messing with the penis
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
