The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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