Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
