When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
