I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
