I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
