she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
