Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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