That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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