dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
