I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
