did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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