??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
