Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
