drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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