Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
