My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
