new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
