Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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