My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
