May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he thought i was a dude.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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