And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
