I'm so fucking centered right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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