You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
