she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
