party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize